I am currently at an art retreat at Ghost Ranch in Abiquiu, NM. I know this is a blog about sailing, so you might wonder why I am opening with that, but it is all very related for me. My creative practice, like sailing, is a powerful way for me to turn inward and reconnect with my own depth and truths. Being in this enchanted place has only increased that experience for me. The setting here is pure magic. Dramatic red mesas and an expanse of high desert surround me. The rocks seem alive and pulsating with energy, wisdom and messages. Since we are in a waning moon, the nights are very black, which adds to the mystery and magic that surrounds.
Since I have been thinking about doing this crossing to Hawaii on my own, I have been frequently waking up in the middle of the night with a fright, imagining what that would feel like at that hour in the middle of the ocean, alone on a boat. I have to admit, that it is the one part of this thing that absolutely stops me in my tracks. The ocean doesn’t scare me unreasonably as one might imagine (but please don’t get me wrong, I have a healthy respect for her and her power), it’s the black of the night and the sense of solitude that it magnifies that strikes trepidation in me. While here in the New Mexico desert, I have felt the power and mystery of the night more than usual. It has spurred me to investigate my discomfort with the night. As I was diving into my creative process in class yesterday, a phrase came to me……”make friends with the night”. I realize that this may actually be at the core of my need to embark upon this journey. It is an emotionally necessary one for me. I am realizing that it is truly a vision quest, and at the core of that is my need to know myself in the deepest possible way. The night may not be the thing that gives me pause, it might be what she represents……the calling to truly learn to be with myself in that kind of vast solitude.