I am sitting here at dawn, watching the sun slowly illuminate the Golden Gate Bridge. In the gentle light, I can see a tanker swiftly making its way under the bridge and heading out to sea. I still cannot believe that Haunani and I crossed that same threshold and into the great unknown just 8 months ago. My journey feels so far away and surreal, and most times I have to remind myself that it really happened. Thankfully this week I have gotten to connect with some of my fellow racers to finally be able to share bits of our experiences, which has helped with that reminder. Though I do not know any of them well, just being in their presence, and knowing that we all shared (albeit separately) such a profound experience is grounding for me.
As I drove into the Bay Area for my first visit since I departed the dock in Tiburon with all of those brave souls, I was reminded of so many milestones and moments. Memories flooded my being as I saw the little marina that housed Haunani and me for 2 weeks before the race, and the yacht club where I met everyone for the first time, and the dock from where we all cast off, and finally the Golden Gate Bridge, which will always be a symbol for me of the beginning of my great journey home to myself. As I experience all of these remembrances throughout my visit, I have consistently had a feeling of disbelief, like I need to pinch myself to remind myself that all of it really happened. I wonder when this sensation of incredulity will dissolve and (hopefully) morph into a deep knowing that lives in my bones.
I find myself wishing I were able to more vividly recall sensations and daily memories of my voyage. My video footage helps, but the actual memories seem to morph into one another. It leaves me craving more, and wanting to feel it all over again. I want to be surrounded by the magic of the watery disk again, I want to feel the expanse of the huge and powerful sea surrounding me and urging me on, I want to witness the private showing of weeks of magical sunrises and sunsets.
Every time I see the horizon over the Pacific, she calls to me. Her allure is irresistible, so much so that I have surrendered and have decided to enter the 2018 Singlehanded Transpac with my new love, Cassiopeia, and do it all over again. Please stay tuned. I am working on a very exciting project as a way to honor and feature the women of the Singlehanded Transpac, and the race itself. I am so excited and inspired…..and yes, just a little bit INSANE!
"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds... where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams waits for you beyond the next turning of the canyon walls."
- Benediction: Edward Abbey