This post is inspired by a recent conversation with a very brave woman and is dedicated to all the women I know who step forward in the sailing world, willing to learn, stretch beyond their comfort zones, and continue pushing themselves to grow stronger, more capable, and more confident with every mile they sail. It is also a shout-out to the men in my life who have been safe and encouraging mentors, people with worlds of experience and a depth of humility and graciousness that I will never forget. The most important of these is my partner, Brendan Huffman, who continues to inspire me with his quiet confidence and the way he tirelessly works to lift not only women in the sailing community, but the entire community, through encouragement, respect, and empowerment.

There was a time not so long ago, when, without realizing it, I believed that experience automatically meant wisdom, and that the most confident person in the room must know more than I did.

Early in my offshore sailing journey, when I decided to get more serious, I handed over way too much authority to certain men who presented themselves as experts but led through intimidation, ego, and control rather than mentorship. One in particular used his knowledge to belittle, compete with, or bully others, especially women who did not fall in line with his need to be the only authority.

It took me time and experience to stop automatically trusting anyone who presented themselves this way, and to learn to weigh their knowledge alongside how they treated the people around them. And, to be clear, this lesson reaches far beyond sailing for me. It is deeply connected to my healing journey and the long process of learning to separate my sense of self from the need to appease others through fawning. Instead of moving toward unsafe personalities in an attempt to keep the peace, I have been learning to stand firmly in myself, to trust my perception, and to choose consciously who I allow to influence my path. It has been a lifelong journey to arrive here, and one I continue to honor every day.

Seeking guidance from experienced sailors is essential, especially in offshore sailing where the stakes can be high and safety is paramount. The key though, is to never abandon your own inner wisdom in the process. Even when someone genuinely is an expert and knows more than you, you do not have to learn from them if their way of teaching involves belittling, diminishing, or undermining you. As I mentioned, I have had the privilege of learning from generous mentors, including several men in the sailing community, who guided me with skill while also lifting me up and acknowledging what I was already doing well. That is the fine line: finding mentors who strengthen your judgment instead of replacing it.

I have become a much more skilled sailor in the last ten years, but the most important lesson I have learned is to trust my own perception and to be mindful about whose guidance I allow into my life. Skill matters, but character matters more. When someone appears confident yet consistently tries to make you smaller, dismisses your voice, or treats your growth and visibility as a threat, it is often a reflection of their own insecurity and a clear red flag.

If there is anything I would share with women entering the sailing world, or wanting to get more serious about sailing, it is this: trust your gut even when someone knows more than you. Self-trust is the most important navigation tool we have, both at sea and in life. Learning who to trust is not separate from trusting yourself; it is part of it. There will always be people who try to compete with you, and there will always be people who invest in your success. Choose the ones who help you grow stronger, not smaller, and keep listening to the powerful inner voice that guided you to begin this journey in the first place.