I woke up this morning with a giddy sense of excitement and wonder…..I cannot believe that I leave ONE WEEK FROM TODAY! I just walked out on the porch and took in the beauty of the bay and the Golden Gate Bridge in the morning light. I said a little prayer of gratitude for how far I have come and all I have learned since I decided to take this on. And then I visualized Haunani and I sailing under the majestic beauty of that iconic landmark and out to sea.
I have been vacillating between excitement and nervousness…confidence and imposter syndrome…..centeredness and hurriedness….it has all (and then some) been a part of the journey so far. I am sure the nerves will kick in big time this week, but right now I feel really good. I feel resolved and ready. Despite my autopilot issue still being worked out, I have a sense of trust that all that is necessary will fall into place. I cannot feel any other way actually, because until now that is exactly what has happened. Every step of the way, the exact right solution, answer, repair, adventure (and so on) has fallen into place exactly as it was meant to. As I have said before, I have never felt so universally supported in any other endeavor in my life as I have in this one. I am so grateful to have experienced this support, because it has fostered in me a deep sense of trust in the flow of life. That’s not to say that will and intention have not had a huge role, because they have, but the seamless flow of all things leading to this day has supported those efforts and has been pretty awe inspiring.
The challenging moments have been an important part of the flow as well, because I have had to face some things in myself that are very necessary for my own growth and healing. I have had to face in a new way, my annoying and harmful (to self) tendency to allow my deep knowledge of myself and my inner strength to be put aside for the emotional comfort of another. I have finally realized on a deep level how unnecessary and unhealthy it is to do this or to make myself small (or throw myself under the bus) in the face of tough personalities or another's emotional needs. I have been called to stand firm in my beliefs when questioned and walk my own path no matter what forces were/are pulling at me.
The bottom line is that I have had to learn to find my own answers and my own way no matter what is going on around me, for this is no one’s journey but mine. I bow in deep gratitude to all of my friends and family who unconditionally support me in my goal (and even the ones that don’t), but when all is said and done, it is only me sailing off into the pacific. I suppose that is why I call this my vision quest, because every step of the way has been leading me to the necessary moment of pulling away from all extraneous energy and opinion and into my own truth and experience. I have been traveling towards this moment for my whole life, and I am so very grateful for the opportunity to get to truly be with myself and get to know myself in a way I can yet not fathom.